More end of semester thoughts

I finished grading papers at 1am this morning, and posted grades to Moodle and submitted final grades.  By 2:30am, I had my first email which begged, "But I tried really hard!"  The past two or three days I've had a number of frantic emails from students--one even used the word frantic--wanting to know when grades would be posted, can they revise, is there any extra credit they can do....Several of them began by explaining that they had just looked at their grade on Moodle and realized that they didn't have an A, which prompted the frantic emails.  And since posting grades this morning, the emails have continued.

It's weird--I used to get these emails, before I started using an online gradebook.  Once I started keeping grades online, these emails for the most part went away, as students are able to check on their average at any given moment.  I even had one student write his position paper this semester arguing that all teachers should be required to use the Moodle gradebook, as it greatly alleviates student anxiety.  So, this rash of frantic emails is rather unusual.

I admit to feeling quite frustrated and annoyed by these emails, as most of them are using emotional language and all seem to be throwing themselves on my mercy.  They beg for extra credit and even offer to write a new paper.  My annoyance stems from the fact that it's not as though these students' grades suddenly took a nosedive, or that there were lots of failing grades.  In fact, one of the most desperate sounding emails is from a student who got a B. I checked final grades against midterm grades, and individual final paper grades against earlier paper grades.  Generally, there's a slight progression from midterm to final, and most individuals show improvement from earlier papers to later (which is why the final paper is weighted heavier than the first paper--I genuinely work to structure the class so that improvement is rewarded).  I had some really great student papers--one paper, in which a student explained Jindal's position on school vouchers, and then explained how his explanation is oversimplifying a complicated issue, got me to clap at my computer while I was reading it.

Today, however, between my frantic student emails which all seem to be hurling themselves at my mercy (as I noted on facebook, my mercy is tired of having things thrown at it today) and the conversations I've had the last two days about teaching--specifically, my program's stated expectations of its teachers, what kind of teaching seems to be rewarded by my program, the program's unclear expectations of us as graduate students, and what our students seem to expect from us--I'm throwing my hands up today. The person who won the teaching award did so because he received straight 5s on his teaching evaluations--which seems suspect to me.  "5" doesn't mean anything to me.  When I hand out evals, I give the school's scantron forms, but I also hand out my own, short answer forms (based on those used by my former program), which actually give me useful information.  Further, there is very little classroom observation that goes on--both times that I've been observed here, I've had to ask to be evaluated.  I don't think that very much is known about what goes on inside the classroom here.

Because of this (I conclude), my colleagues and I are getting students who have been here for two and three and four years who claim to have never done academic research in a classroom.  There are graduate students in my graduate classes who claim to have never written a paper longer than ten pages, and don't know how to write something 20 pages long. 

I feel like I keep encountering issues which seem like they're connected, and seem like they are systemic in some way.  I would like to be able to do something about it, but I also want to maintain my sanity and use my finite amounts of energy and time in ways which reflect my priorities.  My purpose in writing this is to vent, with the intention of blowing off steam to maintain my sanity.  Next year, I will have some leadership opportunities in my department to at least offer support for graduate students who feel as though they're floundering when writing, and I intend to once again re-formulate a first year composition class.  Now that grades are submitted, I think the next thing for me to do is rest and recuperate.  I tend to have less patience when I'm fatigued, which is definitely contributing to today's frustration and annoyance.

What I tried today

Yesterday afternoon in the class I'm auditing, the professor was asked a question about dealing with difficult classmates.  She related a story about a classmate she had in grad school who annoyed the heck out of her, because regardless of what the conversation was about, this student always, always managed to twist it around to his particular historical interest.  She said that she finally decided that, rather than be annoyed by this habit, she decided instead to love it about him.

I used a similar strategy when I was a secretary in hospital administration--there were some doctors who had some really insulting habits, which I finally decided to use as opportunities to practice some of the Buddhist mind-training slogans I was learning at the time.  It did work, to a certain extent--though for a while, my thought of, "I'm so glad to have the opportunity to practice patience" had a decidedly sarcastic tone to it, eventually meant that sentiment more sincerely.  I was grateful for the opportunity to practice patience.  Other times, I would wave my hands and think to myself (or a couple of times, actually stated out loud), "I am a Bodhisattva Warrior!!!"  That one at least would make me laugh, even if I couldn't quite mean it at the time.

My intention today in class was to try to love what's infuriating about the class, and to try to play to their strengths--namely, the fact that they all know each other and enjoy chatting about this weekend's party.  Today, I checked that they each had picked an advertisement to use for their papers, collected the paragraphs they wrote about them, and talked briefly with them about their papers.  Meanwhile, they had thesis statement worksheets to complete, which only involve a bit of collaboration toward the end.  However, three times I had to tell them to be quiet and get to work.  At the beginning of class, they didn't respond to my closing the door to signal class starting, or even my standing in the middle of the front of the classroom, waiting for them to realize class was starting.  Again, I had to raise my voice to get their attention.

There are only 22 students in this class.  And it's a sophomore level class.  I'm disappointed at the lack of maturity most of them are displaying.  The last time I taught English 2000, it was much better: unlike the 1001 class, I didn't have students who were struggling with first year issues (figuring out how to feed themselves, for example) in that class, and it was nice to have students who had jobs and a decent sense of responsibility.  That was the class in which a pretty intense debate broke out over why college students should have to take humanities classes--I had some really engaged students.  The engaged students I have in this class are much quieter--or maybe just seem so, in comparison.

Next week they're coming to meet with me about their papers, and my hope is that one on one time with them will be useful.  I'm quite annoyed that it's this semester that I finally requested to have my teaching evaluated--as it appears that teaching evaluations here are voluntary and not that common (yet another thing on my list of things I miss about UT), I wish I had realized that evals don't happen automatically here earlier, and had another class evaluated.  I did get my teaching evaluated by a faculty member in my WGS class last semester, which went really well, so I do at least have that.

Right now, I'm taking a break.  Later this weekend, I'll do my lesson plans for the week and see if I can come up with some new intentions to bring with me to class next week.  For at least the next 24 hours, though, to misquote Ross Geller, WE ARE ON A BREAK!!

A better day

After my less-than-stellar experience presenting Wednesday, Thursday I started the day by having my teaching evaluated.  (I might add that this was not automatic; I requested the evaluation.  Since I've been at LSU, no one besides my students has seen me teach.)  The new director of Women and Gender Studies sat in on my 10:40 section of Intro to WGS.  Though I enjoy both of my sections,  there are many more engaged, participatory students in my 10:40 class than there are in my noon one. 

Class went so well.  Tuesday I had handed out the final paper assignment, in which students will do a researched analysis of some sort of pop culture product; Thursday's reading was about gender construction in pop culture.  In introducing the concept of the "male gaze," I showed a short clip of Ripley in her underwear in Alien, and contrasted that with the scene in Firefly where Captain Mal is completely naked.  As I think the concept of the "male gaze" can be overused and a bit abstract, I was quite happy with how distinctly different the camera work is in these two different shots.  Ripley's body is panned over slowly, or framed in a voyeuristic way, or the camera focuses on her crotch or her midriff.  Mal is seen either from the waist up, or when we see his entire naked body, the camera is still, just including him as part of the shot.  That he interacts with other people while naked takes away any vestiges of voyeurism the viewer might feel in checking out his clearly visible tattoo.

And, by yesterday afternoon, Dr. Bratton had sent me a glowing evaluation for my perusal and revision.  The only revision I suggested was that, while I enjoyed reading her reference to "Dr. Miller," I'm not there yet. 

I'm glad to have ended the week on a positive note.  And I finished a book on both my independent study and gender exam lists today, and posted a write-up of it on bellatricksy, which is a nice feeling of accomplishment.  I realized today, though, that I haven't plowed through my independent study list as much as I'd like to have, so that's definitely moved up on my priority list.  Next up: Susan Bordo's Unbearable Weight--and the two presentations I'm making Tuesday.  Happy weekend!