What helped a bit

Last week, I went with my friend Stephanie to the Y for a "demonstration" of their Chicago Swing Dance class (which turned into a brief lesson).  Though traffic is not awesome on the way to her house, and the music the dance is done to (R&B) is not my favorite, it was fun enough that I signed up (and, more importantly, paid) for six weeks of classes.  Yesterday was the first real class--and boy, was it hard to leave the house at 6pm on Monday.  The combination of having paid $60 and having told Stephanie I'd go with her is what got me out the door, rather than still on the couch reading reading reading.*

I'm very glad I went.  While I'm still not thrilled with the music, class was fun--we went over the basic step again (which I had mis-remembered--it's actually 1,2-and-3, 4-and-5, 6) and learned several varieties of turns.  And, I got to hang out with Stephanie and her toddler, which was fun.  And importantly, when I came home and tried to read again,** my brain was so much clearer.  It was the walking meditation experience again.

So today, though it's my day off, I'm going to campus to sit in on a class that's reading Mayra Montero's The Messenger, which I wrote an article about.  I'm happy that I got out of bed before 11 today (because on a day off, that doesn't happen as much as I'd like it to), so that I have time to do an exercise video.  If I can continue to condition myself to understand that exercise/activity makes be feel better and think more clearly, I think it will hopefully overtime become more integrated into my routine.

I was going to write "and then hopefully despondent days like yesterday will be rarer," but I don't know that I want that to be true. Rather, I think my being honest about when things aren't great is ultimately good for me (and something I'm not great at being frank about).  So, for now, days like yesterday are just fine.

*The reading for this class I'm auditing is really something.  I had to pull out a binder for all of the readings, because a folder wouldn't contain it all.  The readings for Thursday are about an inch thick, an inch of history and theorizing southern and queer studies.  I'm glad this is all I'm taking!

**Thank goodness, I've only got one article left to read.  It's a lot!

The Month of Letters

As I have continued to make active, non-school activities a priority, I have noticed a positive effect on myself--my thinking is clearer, my body feels better, and I'm less cranky.  A few days ago, I put down the queer theory I was reading, went upstairs, and cut out a skirt.  I then came back downstairs and picked my book back up--and my brain felt remarkably clearer!  It reminded me of the time I did the sitting/walking/sitting meditation practice at a Zen temple--45 minutes of sitting, 10 minutes of walking, followed by another 45 minutes of sitting.  After the walking break, when I returned to the cushion, it was as though clear water had been poured through my head--I *felt* (for lack of a better verb) so much clearer.  A bit into the second part of the sitting, I actually had an experience which, afterward, I could only describe as, "Wow, that must be that "emptiness" thing that everyone talks about!"

In that spirit, I've decided to commit to Mary Robinette Kowal's Month of Letters Challenge.  It may just be a notecard, but I think that sending something out every day is a good challenge to set myself.  I already write letters occasionally (I love pretty stationery and notecards)--this will be a good way to spread some happiness around.  It's such a rare surprise when something pleasing shows up in the mail that I'm not expecting.  I used to be such a letter-writer.  All through high school and college, I kept up correspondences with friends from camp and from places I used to live.  Though email is handy and immediate, I love the permanence of letters.  I have boxes in my closet of not only my correspondence, but that of Aunt Julie and Mamaw, too. I even have the telegram Aunt Julie received, announcing that I'd been born (and named after her).  Such tangible artifacts are important.

It will make me happy to send so many small bits of joy in the mail.  And I'm interested to see how committing each day to thinking of someone else--getting outside of my own head for a bit--effects me. 

Let me know if you want me to send you something!

Intentions for the new year

I don't say new year's resolutions--perhaps it's my basic curmudgeonliness, or perhaps I just don't think that they work.  New year's resolutions just mean that it's hard to find an exercise bike at the gym in January (I say, sounding as if I go to a gym regularly.  I used to--but January always put me off it).  Instead, I usually make resolutions at my birthday the end of May--it's a much better time for me to assess and set goals.

However, there are some changes I'd like to make, and have decided to take advantage of the calendar page turn to do so.  To that end, here are the two intentions I have:

Three times a week, I intend to get an hour's worth of exercise.  This includes drumming.

Six days a week, I intend to actively do something not school-related.  By active, I mean not passive (ie, tv watching or web-surfing).  Knitting, playing music, sewing, sun salutations in the morning, something. 

I think these are doable goals toward balance.  Do you all have similar intentions?

Smack dab in the middle of winter break

I gave myself the Christmas present of absolute laziness today.  Yesterday we went to New Orleans to exchnage presents with friends--one of the presents was cookie cutters, cookie dough, and accountrements for the kids, with whom I then spent the afternoon making cookies (so, a gift for all of us).  We had planned on going to see the bonfires on the levee after that, but were pretty worn out from Christmas cheer (and rather tired), so we skipped it, planning on going by the store and getting some cold cuts for dinner--who knew that everything closed on Christmas Eve at 6?  I have no interest in stores open at 4am the day after Thanksgiving--I'd much rather have a grocery store open the night before Christmas.  Mark ended up getting McDonald's.

The semester came to an end--I gave exams on Wednesday and Thursday of exam week, got on a plane Friday and flew to Columbus, Ohio, where I then drove an hour through snow to Marion, Ohio, which was half an hour from where my dad's wedding was held the following day.  I made it through the wedding and stuff, grading exams in between, and had a blast playing with my nephews in Dayton for the rest of the weekend.  The rest of the week, I was in Cincinnati, where I blew off a ton of steam--at one point, finding myself playing backgammon with a friend, I was struck by how lovely it was to be playing backgammon and not working on anything school-related. 

I also danced a remarkable amount--in addition to dancing at the wedding reception, there was dancing Thursday and Saturday nights until 3.  Saturday was particularly amazing--as "Warehouse Reunion Night," it was basically the feeling that I wanted from a high school reunion and didn't quite get.  Seeing my friends on the dance floor while Ministry and New Order played was such fun.

My body, however, wants to know exactly what I think was doing.  My right knee is still complaining--so much so that I got a brace today to wear on it.  And last night, my left had started complaining loudly about all of the knitting I've been doing (close lace work on a shawl from the "Jane Austen Knits" magazine I've been waiting about a month to start playing with). 

While I was out of town, I applied for the position of "communications officer" for the Women's Caucus of the MLA, and interviewed for a summer job teaching gifted junior high students.  The WCMLA application was rather straightforward, though I did put a significant amount of thought into the cover letter.  The TIP job wanted to set up a skype interview, which turned out to be impossible on my travels.  We scheduled a phone interview for Wednesday afternoon, which they managed to forget, and had to reschedule for Friday morning.  It's a good thing skype wasn't available, as I was out until 3am dancing the night before.

The interview went very well--the woman I spoke with started out by saying that the writing instructor positions I had applied for filled up rather easily, but she was interested in hearing more about my Drama in Stratford and London course, as she thought it made me a good candidate for teaching their "Shakespeareance" course at Davidson.  We talked for 45 minutes--it was a lot of coming up with things on the fly, as I hadn't prepared for an interview about teaching literature, but it went very well, and she said I should expect an offer in my email that day.  And indeed, I had one. 

The WCMLA position came through, too.  So, I've now got a stack of books from the library on web site maintenance, and on teaching Shakespeare and drama games, all of which I need boning up on.  I also sent in my registration for the Wharton in Florence conference, which is the beginning of June; Shakespeare is three weeks in July.  I'm quite excited about all of it.

This was a tough semester, but tough because there was so much work (much of it hitting the end of November), not because I didn't like the work.  Unlike this time last year, I'm not seriously considering trying to transfer programs.  Now, I'm officially done with coursework (hooray!) and bearing down on studying for exams.  I picked up Philip Roth's American Pastoral this week, after putting it down out of boredom once before.  I admit, I put it back down after Peter Elbow's new book arrived--I love this work, and this one is about the connection between spoken and written language.  I'm intrigued by the importance of the body on speech and writing.  I'm happy to feel excitement about teaching writing, because it's going to be tough to go back to teaching comp after the wonderful experience I had teaching women & gender studies this past semester.  It was so wonderful to have the kind of committed, enthusiastic students that I had last semester.  I hope I'm able to have similarly enthusiasm this semester.  Of course, going back to teaching 23 students (rather that 68!) will be nice. 

And being done with coursework, it will be very nice to not have response papers and things due. 

I'm also working on cutting an article that I had submitted to the Southern Literary Journal--they responded that they've changed requirements, and would be happy to read my article if I'd cut 1,000 words.  So, I cut.  It's better than a flat out rejection, like I got from the Mississippi Quarterly.  I've got a to-do list for winter break, but I hope to make it leisurely.  My body is insisting on it.